I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
