i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
