That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
