Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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