You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
