R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I have demons in me.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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