someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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