Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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