You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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