can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
