The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
