So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
