The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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