I'm lost and stupid without you.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
