Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
