Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
