well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
