All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
