Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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