Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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