I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
