dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
