Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
