Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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