I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Even my vagina gasped.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
