Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
