Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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