stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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