He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
