It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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