Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
