A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
