Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
