Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
