On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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