She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
