I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize