So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
We had to coat check the pizza.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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