he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
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