There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
