TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You need a sexual gate keeper
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
