My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
