An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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