so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
