What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
