Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
