some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
