birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
