i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
