i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
