Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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