My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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