i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
