I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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