I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
